Sense of Belonging

If any of you have lived anywhere outside of your home, or what you know and feel to be home, even for a few days, you are bound to think about this topic. Sometimes we go somewhere and we instantly feel and say that we don´t like it there, here or wherever, most times not even thinking about it, why don´t we like it, ,etc, our answer is always: I just do, or I just feel like I don´t belong here. Those answers are as valid, if not more than the thought out conclusions, since they are a product of feelings and intuition, more so than the analitical side.

I moved to Boston from 1996 to 1997 and I had an amazing time. I was 16 and the whole country, the culture and the economy made things seem incredible for me. At first I felt like I wouldn´t belong there but without knowing I was somewhat ¨americanized¨ already, coming from a family with a good economical background, and as its typical from underdeveloped countries, there´s a lot of American things, names, restaurants, products etc, so basically the transition wasn´t nearly as hard as I thought.

I moved back to Caracas and the transition again was not very hard, maybe it was because at that point in my life I didn´t really think about stuff too deeply. I never questioned where I belonged, anywhere I have gone I have always felt Venezuelan, with or without typical latin, or Venezuelan traits.

Now, the past 5 years have been very interesting when it came to defining an Identity or national identity I should say. Again, i never truly questioned my nationality but I did think a lot about where I belonged and why. To be honest it´s something I still think about but not in a doubtful mind frame.

What would happen to me was that I would spend basically 9 months to a year in Boston going to school and then I would come to Venezuela to visit for a couple of weeks... Now the first days were all about seeing family and friends, having fun, sports, beach and what not, but every single time, when I was just getting used to life here, or I should say when i was getting used to seeing how my friend´s and family´s life functioned It was time for me to go back. This happened 3 or 4 times and it would come back to Boston thinking that I didn´t feel at home anymore, or less than before, since for some reason I wasn´t getting used to stuff and I couldn´t read people, the time spent at certain situations, and a whole plethora of things... i was constantly overcome with this anxiety few days before returning.

I don´t know if this makes any sense but I came to the conclusion that the sense of belonging is directly related to the amount of time spent somewhere. Of course its much easier to feel you belong in a first world country, when things work, all things, be it administrative or actual people, etc etc, than anywhere else, but it becomes an issue not of belonging but of convenience, whats easier, whats more comfortable. It´s not about liking one thing better, it´s just about feeling more at home. Home is where the heart is, but it´s the people which actually make it home, it might not feel the same somewhere else, but if you are lucky to be with friends and family, ANYWHERE, you would be a total fool in my book to ask for anything else.

peace